As a charitable foundation in 2020, we find ourselves in a new position. The economic and social climate is different from even 5 years ago, and we sometimes find ourselves wondering, do people still care? Overwhelmingly, we know you do. We also know there are many other families and organizations demanding your time and asking for your precious money. So, how can we use Max’s spirit and energy to serve this community? We have had great success in positively affecting children’s health through the purchase of an ECLS machine at the Alberta Children’s Hospital in 2019. We have contributed to scholarships in Max’s name to carry on his love of learning. We have recognized young children for being upstanding citizens in their community. What else can we do and who else can we help?
When your child dies, in every right, a piece of your world falls away. Vulnerability creeps in and all aspects of your life are forever altered. There is no getting around the heavy grief work that follows. Remember that song, Going on a Bear Hunt? “Can’t go around it…can’t go over it…can’t go under it…gotta go through it”. It’s true. However, the work is daunting, heartbreaking and soul crushing, often as much as the actual event of losing your child. To relive the most traumatic moments of your life to acknowledge their being and have any hope of moving forward in some sort of functional state, is a task that can seem utterly impossible. And this is true for every person in the immediate and extended family.
The three of us were each walking a path alone, but also together. One part of loss that people rarely talk about is how the family dynamic is altered, and how it affects the siblings of the child that was lost. It’s different because the sibling is often a mentor, a best friend, a cohort or a confidante to the child you lost. Max’s sister experienced this change, and it was difficult for us to help her even years later as she grew old enough to understand the gravity of losing her older brother.
Enter fellow bereaved families and the gifts they bring to your family’s life post-loss. If you are lucky like us, you can surround yourself with not one or two, but MANY amazing souls who bring hope, laughter and above all else, understanding, into your new life. These are the people who you can spill the most vulnerable thoughts to, the most vivid memories, and the most heart-wrenching details. The ones who will listen and cry with you, for your loss and for their own. For the children that are now running around the clouds together, surely the best of friends. The people who will guide and suggest and break down and build back up and talk the hard and do the hard and just love you more through it all. These are the gifts that come from loss. Strange how these can sound like gifts, but let me tell you, to a bereaved parent, these are the most generous gifts to be had. They are a hugely important part of the grief work, and hence of the healing process.
I met Aditi Loveridge casually at an event we were attending with mutual, bereaved friends in Calgary. It was a screening of a beautiful documentary about pregnancy after loss. We sat across from each other afterwards at dinner and were quickly pulled into the same conversations with an ease that usually comes after years of friendship. This is often the case with bereaved families; the connections made are quick and fast and last forever. My first impression was that of awe: her beautiful face seemed to match perfectly with her personality, and I felt instantly connected.
As the months went by, we found ourselves more often in each other’s company, and Aditi was instantly supportive of our foundation’s goals and the work we were doing. It was easy to see why she is a pillar in our community, herself the founder of The Pregnancy, Infant and Child Loss Support Centre, a much-needed and highly-valued resource for bereaved parents in the Calgary area. Knowing what a gift the support of others is during a time of crisis, I was drawn to learning more about her work and what she was offering others. The death of your child is an isolating and scary time, even for those of us who are surrounded instantly with love and compassion. Aditi’s mission was to provide a place and space for everyone going through infant and pregnancy loss to access resources and support, regardless of circumstance.
And so, because we have experienced first hand the huge importance of support, guidance and love after losing a child, especially for siblings, we are thrilled to share that The Max Robinson Children’s Foundation is partnering with The Pregnancy, Infant and Child Loss Centre to help provide families with compassionate and meaningful support following the loss of a child. Specifically, we will be funding a sibling grief program, to help children deal with grief through art, talk and other forms of group therapy. We know the need for this kind of program will never go away, and that it can be so hard for families to navigate the next right steps. We want kids and their parents to have the tools, free-of-charge, to be their best selves, even if their sibling, mentor, best friend, and confidante has been lost. We do this because that’s the kind of care Max would have wanted for his sister, and what he would have wanted for his community. For Max, always.
Please join us in welcoming our new partner, the Pregnancy, Infant & Child Loss Centre of Calgary as we do the important work of helping families navigate a world without a piece of their heart.
